Movies based on videogames, for the most part suck. Never in history has one sucked literally as much as Left 4 Head, based on Valve's multiplayer first-person-shooter title Left 4 Dead.
If you like Left 4 Dead and you like porn, prepare to be disapointed. Not just mildly disappointed either, but hella disappointed. What could've been a fun, kitschy title I could watch with my friends and laugh at is instead a 6 minute blow-job rape scene that is neither fun nor kitschy unless you think simulated rape and watching the same dude get a blow-job for an extraordinarily long time from TWO whole angles is a jolly ole' time.
Basically, the movie follows a girl modeled after Zoey from L4D as she explores some zombie infested house. During this part of the movie, the cinematography is way too kickass for what is basically a really long and arduous POV blowjob. Porn Zoey, who is actually pretty attractive (way too attractive to be in this movie) kills some zombies (really just dudes in really cheaply made masks) and shit and nearly gets raped La Blue Girl style by a beast with an extremely long dick. Fans of tentacle rape will be pleased by this sequence, but it doesn't really last that long and if you decide to try and watch this porn but turn it off after this sequence I don't blame you.
After the tenatcle molestation Porn Zoey gets attacked, then stripped, by a zombie, and then the blow-job sequence begins. This part takes up half of the movie and unless you like watching horrified looking girls give blowjobs to overweight men for a long amount of time you should stop watching Left 4 Head, because it doesn't get any better. Get ready for a lot of gurgling noises, tears, and the aforementioned TWO different camera angles.
I do have to point out that the second cumshot (yes, you get to see this faux-zombie cum twice) is actually quite interesting because the film goes into Max Payne-style Bullet Time.
Anyway, this movie both sucks both literally and metaphorically (I will never use that pun ever again, I promise). There's no kitsch factor and it takes itself waaay too seriously for something called "Left 4 Head". I really do think you could use the 12 minutes it takes to watch this to do something more productive with your time, like watch episodes of Lazytown on Hulu or build a birdhouse out of pizza boxes or something.
This should've been the Lethal Weapon of porno. Left 4 Dead would lend itself well to a film starring a motley cast of horny individuals who are forced to cum together in an attempt to survive the very real threat of Zombie Apocalypse. Instead, we get POV blowjob rape with horror music and cinematography that's way too good for low-budget erotic cinema (the camera guy needs to be making pretentious black and white student movies about nature, coming of age, and children eating ice cream but it's actually a metaphor for global warming OMG PROFOUND as viewed by modern-day wannabe beatniks who listen to too much major label indie rock) and I'm PISSED.
I took screenshots, but they're not worth looking at unless you want to see a bad angle of the tentacle molestation and the same blowjob from the same two angles over and over again.
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